Friday, August 10, 2012

Dark Side

There is a new song by Kelly Clarkson that has been playing on the radio called "Dark Side" and I absolutely love it.  Music is a huge part of my recovery, it speaks to my soul and at times it can offer so much healing.  Dark Side does this for me.  At first I was just relating the lyrics to my early recovery when I carried so much shame and I was absolutely terrified to admit to myself everything that I had to admit.  I was bound by soul gripping fear that my Bishop would think I was the worst person in the world and that my Savior would be so ashamed of me.  There were songs along my early journey that really helped me work through this fear.  Even though Dark Side wasn't out at that time, this song is one of those songs and I want to share it with you. 



Like I said, I at first related this video to my early recovery but today I realized that it relates more to my current circumstance than I first thought. 

For those of you who aren't familiar with the 12 Steps, in the 4th step we inventory our entire lives; everything.  In step 5 we share that inventory with our sponsor and also with the Bishop if anything inventoried requires it.  My first inventory was like pealing the first layer off of an onion.  After that first layer was gone it exposed other layers, or other memories.   I would then repeat the process with those layers.  Sometimes I would find that a new layer isn't an entire new memory, but instead is just more accountability for previous layers.  Such is my current circumstance.

A memory has recently come to my mind of something I had previously confessed, but I was not completely honest with myself or my Bishop when doing so; I was not completely accountable.  So now I get to go back and do it again; do it better.  But I am terrified. Will my Bishop think less of me?  Will he roll his eyes at me and think "again?" 

This song describes exactly how I feel about that meeting and the sometimes overwhelming fear that my Savior will leave me...
There's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try and push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don't give up on me
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay

Don't run away
Don't run away
Don't run away
Promise you'll stay...
 

1 comment:

  1. I've listened to this song a few times on the radio, but never actually paid attention to the lyrics. I tend to do that a lot. I LOVE this song now. Where have I been!!! No but really, this is exactly how I feel right now. It's like, .... Promise me you will stay. Promise me you'll stay. Don't give up on me. Promise you'll stay. And I still haven't even shown all the dark sides. I like hearing you talk about the 12 steps. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for sharing a moment with me:-)

Ezekiel 34:11-12,16

"For thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I, even I, will both search my sheep, and seek them out. As a shepherd seeketh out his flock in the day that he is among his sheep that are scattered; so will I seek out my sheep, and will deliver them out of all places where they have been scattered in the cloudy and dark day. I will seek that which was lost, and bring again that which was driven away, and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick"