Monday, November 26, 2012

Journal: Moving, Crazy Wave and V4V

We've been talking about moving forever.  I'm sure people are sick of us talking about it.  I know I am.  We had definitive plans to move this past September but they fell through which bumped the move to January.  But, as January approaches I sense apprehension in all of us.  We love where we live, but we are simply out of room.

I remember a couple of weeks ago someone asking me where we were planning on moving to and I responded "wherever the Lord sends us."  It's funny to me.  My mom used to say that all the time and I'd roll my eyes at her.. like, whatever mom.  I had no faith then.  Now, I truly believe the Lord will send us where He wants us to go.  But it hit me, what if He wants us to stay where we are?  I hadn't consulted Him on the actual move.  We were faced with a need of more space and it felt natural to address that need.  But I was prompted pretty strongly the other day that I wasn't going about making this decision the right way in the form of the following question: "You say that you trust the Lord and will go, do, move to wherever He wants... then why have you not consulted Him on such an important matter?"

I realized I had been selfish.  I was afraid of the answer I suppose.  Not so much because the answer would be bad, but because then I wouldn't have control of making the decision any longer.  But really, I don't want to make the decision.  If I make the decision without the Lords counsel and blessing then I will not feel secure where I move.  I need Him with me on this one.

So my hubby and I both have taken a step backward and have not finalized any decisions on whether or not we are going to move.  Instead we are taking some time to pray and fast about the decision.  We have also asked our children to pray and fast about it.

Decision pending....

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The last two days have been pretty awful. It's crazy to me how fast it can come on.  The prior week and a half was great.  I was great, my family was great, life was great.  And then boom, Saturday was a mess.  My house was a mess, I was tired from working a graveyard the night before, I was faced with some family drama and I just started to feel generally not good enough.

Then the next day, Sunday, I felt the same way.  I woke up exhausted even after a good solid 9 hours of sleep.  I had no motivation and just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep.  I used to skip church all the time prior to recovery and even early in recovery.  I used to come up with any and every excuse in the book to not go.  But I haven't ditched church like that in a long time and I was happy to realize that yesterday it wasn't really even an option that entered my head.

As I sat in relief society I had the craziest emotions running through me.  I kept having thoughts that I was so inadequate.  I felt that with every comment I made people were rolling their internal eyeballs at me and thinking "ugh, here she goes again."

I know the adversary is working on me right now.  I know my ward loves me as I love them and that  none of the thoughts I was having were true.  And even if they were, that's not my burden to carry.  So I'm working on staying close to the Lord and just riding the crazy wave until the storm passes.

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On the good news front:  A while back I had contacted Voices for Virtue to add my voice to their fight against sexual addiction.  They had agreed to blog about me and promote my blog.  As awesome as V4V's blog is, it's their Facebook page that gets the most traffic.  They have over 121,000 likes.  I was looking forward to the article about me being posted on their Facebook page to spread awareness to a larger audience; an insanely large audience actually.  Well there seemed to be a disconnect in our communication and although they did blog about me, it wasn't quite what they were looking for in order to post it on their Facebook page.  They explained that they didn't want to just promote my blog, but they wanted a personal story from me regarding my struggle and recovery.

At first I had a bad attitude about this.  I know my story is important - but sometimes I feel selfish and prideful talking about myself so much.  I've explained before that it's difficult for me to promote myself.  But I knew this venue for spreading awareness and hope could not be passed up.  So I gave myself a few days to let the idea settle within me and with the help of the Spirit, I wrote an excerpt about my tangle with the adversary and how my Savior rescued me.  A few days after I sent my submission I received the following response from V4V:
Sidreis!  What a very touching story.... It will be an honor to use it in an upcoming blog... WOW! The Spirit is strong.... Thank you so much.  As your time permits if you have other thoughts/blogs you want us to post like this one please let us have the chance.... The Lord has blessed you and we'll try to help you bless others... Thanks so much.
This sure brightened my day!  I felt as if the adversary has worked to put a kibosh on the original blog post but now his tactics have been thwarted and the good guys won!

I'll of course let everyone know once that story has been published!


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Thank you all for being my friends.  I love and cherish each one of you.  

2 comments:

  1. I like V4V but I don't like their FB page. It seems to be so negative and . . . juvenile. But perhaps it's supposed to be targeted at the youth, so maybe that makes sense.

    Look at me being all negative. Um, I LOVE their response to you! I'm so glad they're using your story. Women AND men need to understand that women can have sexual addictions, too. I'm very glad I "met" you, and others will continue be comforted, and encouraged, to learn your story. :)

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    Replies
    1. Yep it is targeted at the youth... But you are right. It IS really negative and juvenile and for that reason I don't participate on the page very much. I've made a comment here or there but not much.

      I'm mostly excited for the audience. Once my story gets on there then I'll start sending them other stuff... probably just slightly edited versions of blog posts I've already published. I think it's a great way to reach women. Or at least just to spread awareness.

      Thanks Erin:-) You're awesome too!! God is so good. He's bringing us all together one by one!

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Thank you for sharing a moment with me:-)

Ezekiel 34:11-12,16

"For thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I, even I, will both search my sheep, and seek them out. As a shepherd seeketh out his flock in the day that he is among his sheep that are scattered; so will I seek out my sheep, and will deliver them out of all places where they have been scattered in the cloudy and dark day. I will seek that which was lost, and bring again that which was driven away, and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick"