Monday, November 5, 2012

Journal: Releases, Teaching and Gratitude

I have some sad/happy news to share.  You know that type of news that you know is for the best but you wish it could play out differently?  Ya, that kind of news.  Anyway, I've asked to be released as a facilitator in the program.  Now, before y'all panic, let me 'splain!  My recovery is not in jeopardy   I didn't slip or anything.  And I have zero plans of stopping attending group.  In fact, I'll probably be MORE involved with group now that I'm back to being a regular participant.  I'm just simply tired and I need a break.  I have lost the passionate fire that I started with when I first became a facilitator and I felt it was time to pass the torch to someone else whose fire is burning brightly right now.  I am excited to just get back to the basics and just be for a while.  

Let me tell you though, this decision did not come lightly.  I've been thinking about it for quite a long time but my fear of disappointing my Father in Heaven always got in the way of me actually praying about it or seeking counsel from others on it.  There came a point recently that I finally decided to pray about it.  I told myself I was going to pray about it for two weeks straight so I could be sure of my answer.  My prayers lasted three days.  Each night I would pray for an answer I would feel this overwhelming sense of peace confirming that asking to be released was the right decision.  After the third night I thought if I continue with this for two weeks it would be an act of faithlessness and I would just irritate my Father in Heaven and He might withdraw His answer and I didn't want to risk that.  So I decided to trust Him.  I told my leaders that I just need six months and after that time period passes I'll revisit being a facilitator again and offer my services if they need me.


But in the meantime I get to switch back and forth between both meetings, cultivate and nourish new relationships with my recovery sisters and just bask in the Atonement for a while.


Also - I've had a couple of inquiries as to whether this would effect my ability to sponsor.  So to answer that, not in the least does it effect my current or future sponsee's.  Sponsoring isn't contingent on being a facilitator.  So that institution remains in tact.


I'm definitely grateful for the opportunity to have served as a facilitator.  It was a wonderful and meaningful time in my life.  Not only was facilitating wonderful in it's own right but it offered me the opportunity to interview with the church regarding my addiction and spread hope that way.  I'll be blogging about this soon - and I'll post pictures of me in the sound studio - it was pretty awesome.


I am grateful for my time as a facilitator and look forward to serving again after my 6 month vacation:-)

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Sad news.  That friend I blogged about a couple weeks back... the one I lost.  She blocked me on Facebook.  I'm not sure that's ever happened to me before.  I'm surprised I'm not more upset about it but I'm grateful that I feel at peace with the situation.  I'm grateful that Heavenly Father has instilled in me the courage to turn her over to His care (in my mind) and give her the space she needs.  I hope she turns around, but I will no longer expend energy on wondering if she ever well.  

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So I'm not sure if I've shared this or not but my husband and I are teaching an LDS Addiction Recovery 12-Step class in our ward.  We are teaching it as a 12 week Sunday School class.  It has been an absolutely amazing experience so far.  I'm secretly hoping that we can teach it again in our new ward when we move in January.  I was surprised to find teaching to be such an amazing relationship builder for my husband and I.  It's so awesome to be able to talk about the Atonement so much with him.  I love him so much and I'm so happy he's my husband:-)  I'm one lucky girl!

13 comments:

  1. You know you are in deep recovery when you can say No. Good for you. I am sure you will continue to inspire.

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    1. I hadn't thought about it that way - but after chewing on your comment I concluded that I agree with you! :-) Thanks Alice... makes me feel better about the decision!

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  2. Tough decision, but I'm sure it's the right one. I pray for you!

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  3. I am excited that you and your hubby get to teach the 12 steps as a Sunday School class. I wish our Ward would do that.

    Sorry you lost a friend! Hope she comes back:(

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    1. Well we are writing a general curriculum for it - if it every comes up I'd be happy to email you everything we've come up with as a resource for whoever teaches the class.

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  4. Thank you for sharing the story about your experience with prayer. You are such a great example to me! I hope that you are able to enjoy just "being" for a while. :)

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    1. Thanks MM - I really am. I get to attend both of my recovery meetings this week just as a regular participant and I'm actually a bit giddy with excitement haha!

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  5. Sidreis,

    I know exactly what you are talking about. My wife and I do an ARP together, but we also each run our own groups (PASG and Spouse/Support) during the week also. Some nights I'm just out of it, and prefer to be the guy that just sits and listens. Our groups are still only about a year old and since we're not in Utah, attendance is 5-6 on a good night...
    We love our groups, and the strength that it gives both of us. It has been fantastic for our relationship. Your story is somewhat funny to me. We are always telling our group members, "This is not a 12 week Sunday School class"...The 12 Step program is a way of life. I'll be interested in hearing how it goes.
    Keep up all the great work.
    Dale

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    1. Hahaha! You're right, it's NOT a 12 week Sunday School class! lol. I was a bit concerned about that but it's been working out REALLY well. We are more focusing on the principles each Step teaches rather than how to work the step. The Spirit has definitely been guiding us in what to say. We have seen our attendance in our class double since we started and we just barely covered step 4. It will be interesting to see how many we have by Step 12! I love it though. I'm finding I'm able to serve others in new capacities. The Lord truly directs where He wants me to be:-)

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  6. this is so interesting! We don't even have the same facilitator each week. I've been doing it a lot lately, but there are others who do it on occasion as well. Is it an actual calling where you are? We have the missionaries that are constant, of course, but our facilitators change.

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    1. Ya the program isn't quite as structured in outer-lying areas. I went to a meeting up in Glendive Montana when I was visiting my parents and it was me and one other person as participants and then the group leader. Very small. The meeting also wasn't structured at all. It was more like he was giving us a lesson. We barely read out of the manual. It was weird.

      Facilitators are always the same in our programs here. We feel it's important to have some consistency for participants. It's hard enough to come to group - but it's harder if you are seeing new faces each week. It's important to have at least one familiar face each week. Our missionaries don't rotate either in our PASG groups, but they do in our ARP groups. I think that might be changing though. They are really working to streamline the two sides.

      Yes, being a facilitator is an actual calling. I received a paper from the director of the program that I needed my Bishop to sign (giving his approval of my worthiness) and then I took a paper back to him and he set me apart.

      I think the church is working to get the program consistent everywhere but it's taking time!:-)

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  7. that's cool. I agree that we need consistency! Our missionaries don't rotate in either meeting. And, to be fair, the facilitator isn't just ANYONE-- they like us to attend a facilitator training class before taking on the duty, but anyone who's attended such a meeting is welcome to facilitate. At least that's how it is for the ARP meetings. Of all the PASG meetings I've attended, we've had the same facilitator each time, so maybe it's more structured on that end.

    Unlike Montana, we here in Idaho most definitely read from the manual, and follow the same scripts weekly! I enjoy the structure. It's like a security blanket. :)

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Thank you for sharing a moment with me:-)

Ezekiel 34:11-12,16

"For thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I, even I, will both search my sheep, and seek them out. As a shepherd seeketh out his flock in the day that he is among his sheep that are scattered; so will I seek out my sheep, and will deliver them out of all places where they have been scattered in the cloudy and dark day. I will seek that which was lost, and bring again that which was driven away, and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick"