Monday, November 19, 2012

Step 12'ing My Eye Doctor

Recently I was due for a vision check-up.  I don't fear the eye doctor like I fear the dentist or other doctors that perform other necessary invasive procedures (you know what I'm talking about ladies) so I didn't hesitate to call and schedule my appointment.

You should know that I love my eye doctor.  My husband starting seeing him when he was a young boy and when we were married we continued the tradition and now Dr. Eye has been my eye doctor for close to fifteen years.  His office is warm and inviting and he is very personable and interactive with his patients.  He is also LDS so we have that in common with him as well.  He's just awesome.

As appointment day approached I kept getting the impression that I should tell Dr. Eye about my addiction.  This seemed so odd to me.  Ha.  Like, why!?  But one thing I have learned is not to question the Lord.  I have told many people under His watchful direction about my struggle.  In most instances I don't know the result, but sometimes He allows me a glimpse into His work by showing me the miracles that occur because of my faith and courage to share my story.  I had no idea why He wanted me to tell Dr. Eye but it didn't matter, following His direction was a higher priority than knowing why.

On appointment day I told my husband "Guess what!  I'm going to tell Dr. Eye about my addiction!"  My husband just laughed and said OK.  He knows about this little agreement Heavenly Father and I have.  I'm lucky to have a husband that trusts the Lord and doesn't question who I tell.

Fast forward to Dr. Eye's waiting room....

Out of his office he comes with a patient in tow and as soon as I catch his eye he says:
"Hi!  How are you doing??  What's new in your life?"
"Oh, you just wait, I'm going to tell you!"
"Oh really?  OK"

Fast forward to walking into the exam room...

I sat down in the giant exam chair and he turned the lights off (so it's dark).  He sat on his swivel stool and rolled up next to me and put the giant lens machine up to my face.  I gently settled my chin into the cup and listened to the gentle quiet "click, click" rhythms as he began working to reset the lenses back to their base settings.  Finally he asked:

"So what is this news that you want to share with me?"
"OK, well I am an addict..."
Click, click
Pause
"Oh OK"
"... and I recently had the opportunity to film an interview regarding my addiction and my recovery for the church which is so awesome!"
"Wow, that's great!"
"Ya, I feel so blessed to be able to share my struggle and how my Savior rescued me to be able to help others."
"Wow that really is great.  I have a nephew that struggles with drug addiction too...
Pause
(eyeball bug in the dark - O.O)
...and he really has had a hard time with it.  It's hard to know how to help him."
Pause
Click, click
"Oh.... well, that's too bad.  I wouldn't know about that.  I'm not addicted to drugs.  I'm addicted to pornography."
Pause
Click, click
Pause
Click....... click......................................................click

Dr. Eye rolled his swivel stool back a couple of feet from me and just sat there.  All of a sudden I was overcome with the most intense fear.  Remember, I couldn't see him.  I'm stuck behind the giant lens machine, in.... the.... DARK!  

I looked heavenward and said a fervent prayer:

"Heavenly Father what are you doing to me!?!  This was a BAD idea!  He thinks I'm a freak!  He rolled away from me because he doesn't want to be near me!  He thinks it's inappropriate to be in here with me in the dark!  UGH!!"

Then Dr. Eye spoke again:

(Cringe)

"... and then there are those ignorant people in the world like me that assume when someone says they are an addict that they fall under the umbrella of  socially normal addictions such as drug addiction or alcoholism."

(Whew!!!!)

The conversation that followed was amazing.  We just sat and chatted for 10 minutes.  I gently pulled my chin away from the rest and ducked under the giant lens machine and made eye contact with Dr. Eye in the dim light.  I shared my journey and my hope.  He then expressed that he is in a Stake Presidency and all of a sudden it all became clear.  He is in leadership where the hope I shared can be put to good use.  I still don't know what that use is and I may never know.  But I know each of us left his office that day a different person.

He left with a better understanding of addiction and more tools to help others and I left with a deeper level of trust in my Father in Heaven and his direction for me.

8 comments:

  1. WOW your story is on LDS.org!!! That is so amazing. Proud of you Sidreis and so happy that can be found there for the many people who need it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ya it's been there for a while actually. You can find it by clicking the Made in His Image picture on the upper right hand corner of my blog.

      And thanks! I appreciate you!:-)

      Delete
  2. This is amazing!!! Talk about courageous! And yet, it all made sense in the end! I love that we really can trust promptings, even if it doesn't make sense at the time! Thank you for your example! You are one of my heroes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh you are so sweet:-) Thank you! I have another funny Step 12 moment that I'll probably blog about eventually. Only two were super awkward but both worked out in the end haha. Recovery has it's funny moments too:-) Just gotta roll with it!

      Delete
  3. Great story...I find myself step 12-ing more and more. It's amazing the outcomes. I have a guy in my ward with an eating disorder and when we talked of my addiction, it gave him the courage to start attending ARP to deal with his own problems. Love your blog. Great work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't that so awesome! I love how recovery can pretty much pertain to everyone, and everything. I'm so happy to hear about the guy you helped. I admire your courage. You're awesome!

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Haha thanks. Believe me, there was a time I would never have done this, or believed I ever would.

      Delete

Thank you for sharing a moment with me:-)

Ezekiel 34:11-12,16

"For thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I, even I, will both search my sheep, and seek them out. As a shepherd seeketh out his flock in the day that he is among his sheep that are scattered; so will I seek out my sheep, and will deliver them out of all places where they have been scattered in the cloudy and dark day. I will seek that which was lost, and bring again that which was driven away, and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick"