"I Wish I Wasn't an Addict"

I often hear by those that struggle with sexual addiction "I wish I wasn't an addict."  I used to feel this way myself  When I was in the pits of despair I wanted so desperately to be free of the chains of addiction and the only path I saw to freedom was God simply taking it from me.

As strange as it may sound, I no longer wish to be free of my addiction, but am now grateful for my addiction, for its negative force is what keeps me facing my Savior

I want to take a moment and just list some of the reasons I am grateful for my addiction by way of listing the many beautiful and marvelous things I would have missed out on if I weren't an addict, or if the Lord had simply taken it from me.

Now, I can't really use the statement "If I wasn't an addict" because I really don't know what I would be if we weren't an addict.  So I'm going to switch the wording up a bit...

BECAUSE I am an addict...
  1. I found my Savior.
  2. I now know Him, Feel Him, trust Him and truly love Him.
  3. I have experienced the exquisite light of grace on the other side of falling into the depths of despair.
  4. I have wonderful working relationships with not only my current Bishop and Stake President, but many of my former Bishop's and Stake President's.
  5. I now know that I am of value; an innately worthy warrior princess in my Father's kingdom.
  6. I have forgiven myself.
  7. I love myself.
  8. I have made some of the most beautiful and cherished friendships of my entire life.  Friendships that I hope will continue into the eternities.
  9. I have been granted some of the most amazing opportunities to help my Savior gather and feed His sheep.   
  10. I have a sure testimony of my Savior and His Atonement; that we each can be free to experience the most exquisite joy and everlasting life.
  11. I am no longer a fence sitter!  
  12. I have found the wonderful LDS Addiction Recovery Program and have adopted it's principles into my daily life.  I no longer read or study the steps... I live the steps, which means I no longer read or study the Atonement, I live the Atonement.
  13. I am a better mom.
  14. I am fearless.
  15. I love.  Wholeheartedly and unabashedly.
I have found that finding gratitude for my addiction has been the lifeblood that keeps me afloat when an entire ocean of life threatens to swallow me whole.

Comments

  1. Amazing. I had a similar "awakening" for lack of a better term, about my addictions to. When I pray for God to take it away He has simply told me no. When I finally asked Him why He said "because I'm going to use you."
    Ok Lord you got this! Now I am grateful for my addictions too and can't wait to see what He has in store for me.

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    1. That's awesome! "Awakening" works! haha. He's good that way isn't He? Not giving us what we want but somehow helping us feel OK with it? He's so good to us.

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  2. I have been thinking about this alot lately. Although it is 'the pits' I have come to know myself and God and how to connect with others like I never have before. Oh addictions.....I still have a long wayto go....

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    1. Progress my friend. That's awesome! And we ALL have a long way to go. So happy to have so many of you awesome people on the journey with me:-)

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  3. I feel the same way! I feel like this addiction is the only thing that could break through my stubborn stone heart. I'm thankful God has allowed it to be in my life so long.

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  4. A few years ago at a seminar a woman asked a question "if this was your only path to God - would you take it?" I've repeated that question many times in my life, but especially recently, and now have a very solid YES I would. This has brought me to my knees and the depths of humility so many times, I would choose this path. I love what this path gives me :)

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    1. Oh I love that question! Good one:-) I agree. DEFINITELY would take it:-)

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