Monday, March 18, 2013

The Three Step Waltz

As we work recovery we discover that Steps One, Two and Three become the lifeblood of all aspects of our recovery.  We discover over and over that at any given moment of any given day we are faced with the opportunity to admit powerlessness, surrender our will to the Lord and trust our lives to Him.  This process is essential in order to come unto Him, learn of Him, believe Him and love Him.

This process is commonly known as the 'Three Step Waltz.'


This simple saying, repeated over and over in my desperate moments, has become a mantra for the success of my recovery.

When I first began recovery the concept of admitting I was powerless to overcome my addiction was new to me.  I admit, I was slow to grasp it.  I knew I needed help but I still thought I could overcome on my own. Not only that I could, but that I was required to.  Letting go and admitting powerlessness incorporated letting go of false beliefs and humbling myself enough to listen and learn and adopt newly discovered truths.

This process seemed like it would be easy at first because I'd tried for so many years to get away from my addiction on my own that I thought I truly was ready to be completely done with it.  But I found it truly to be difficult.  I found I had to learn the principle before I could embrace or enact it.  I had  to learn that through the Atonement of my Savior I could not only receive help but He could and would actually heal me.  The thought of Christ healing me was difficult to comprehend.  I had spent so many years believing He didn't love me, didn't know me, and was completely ashamed of me.  Why would He heal me?  The thought baffled me.

The most difficult challenge then became to actually let Him heal me.  I often got stuck on the 'how' when trying to let Him.  How does one 'let' Him?  I found that in order to let Him heal me, it meant I had to expose myself to Him.  It meant I had to share my heart with Him.  It meant I had to let Him near me. It meant I had to be vulnerable and submissive.  All of those things I'd never done to keep myself protected.  I admit, I feared if I showed Him my weakness that He would reject me.  I felt like an outcast with leprosy.  Someone no one wanted to be around.  I felt like the women with an issue of blood that was shunned and shamed.  I couldn't understand why He would be any different, and on the off chance He was, it surely must have been out of obligation.  He Atoned for everyone, that was the deal, but for me He must have done it out of obligation.

So when learning that He not only didn't Atone for me out of obligation, but that He did it with a whole heart because He loves me I found myself faced with a decision.  I could either truly trust and raise my hands in complete submission before Him or outright defiantly deny Him.  In reality, there is no middle ground.  Only Satan would have us believe there is middle ground.

I couldn't do the latter... I just couldn't.

That first leap was the hardest leap thus far on my journey, yet I found it to be the most freeing.  Mid leap I opened my eyes and saw that the darkness and isolation I had been living in really had been escapable the entire time.  I hadn't been eternally bound like I'd felt.  I saw that the light of my Savior was always there, just waiting for me to reach out to Him.

With that single leap of faith I acknowledged that my Savior was invested in me and in turn, I was invested in Him.  It was at that moment, mid leap, seeing Him reach for me that I decided to make sure His sacrifice for me was not in vain.

My recovery has been solely based on these three beliefs...

I can't
God Can
I Will Let Him

4 comments:

  1. Sidreis, thank you for posting this. I absolutely needed to read this today. I'm struggling with this right now, I seriously am! I'm in tears writing this because it's what I needed to hear to finally find humility. It threw me on my knees but I'm thankful for it because I need my Heavenly Father and Savior. I need to let Them in again.

    Rachelle

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    1. I'm glad! That seems to be how it works... the Lord tells me what to write because there is someone out there that needs it. Chin up girlie:-) Love you

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  2. All I can really say is AMEN! ;) Thanks as always.

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  3. I took your advice and used this (with my own additions) this morning on my prayers. It was great!

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Thank you for sharing a moment with me:-)

Ezekiel 34:11-12,16

"For thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I, even I, will both search my sheep, and seek them out. As a shepherd seeketh out his flock in the day that he is among his sheep that are scattered; so will I seek out my sheep, and will deliver them out of all places where they have been scattered in the cloudy and dark day. I will seek that which was lost, and bring again that which was driven away, and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick"