Journal: The Truths That I Know

It’s me again.

I’m not doing very well today...

I poured out my heart to my Father as I stood in the shower.
I let the hot water soak up my tears and I shared my deepest fears with Him.

That I am...
...less than celestial material
...not clean enough 
...not righteous enough
...not mature enough

And then this song came on the  EFY playlist I had playing in the background:

I Am Enough 
Nicole Sheahan



As I heard the words, the tears began to flow even more freely. 
I heard Him. 
I heard Him speak to me through the song, that I am enough.

I am struggling right now, but I refuse to let my struggle silence the truths that I know.

I know that when I struggle this bad, something huge is coming. 
I don’t know what it is, but the adversary does, and he wants to keep me from it.
I know that I am under attack because of it.

I know that the Lord lets the wind blow on my branches to strengthen my roots.
He uses the wind, this struggle, for my good...
...and 
So long as I weather it, I will be stronger, wiser and ultimately closer to Him.

I know that weathering this storm does not translate to weathering it perfectly.
I am not perfect...
...and
My Father doesn't expect me to be so.
He only expects me to remain faithful

I know that I am bigger than my body. 
Even though my body is triggering, and I feel completely burdened by it right now...
I am still bigger than it.

I know the tools of recovery. 
I have learned them, worked them, lived them.
I know they work. 
I have lapsed in these basic principles a bit, and that is one of the reasons I am struggling so much.

I know of my love for Him. 
I want to return to Him and dwell with Him more than anything. 
I want to feel His arms around me...
...and 
Feel His soft robes on my cheeks as I inhale the smell of their goodness. 

More than anything I want to hear Him speak the words: 
Well done, my good and faithful servant."

And therefore, 
I will not give up. 
Because in order for me to hear those words 
I must exemplify them.

Comments

  1. This is such a powerful testimony. We have memories for a lot of good reasons. But I love how you are choosing to remember what you know to sustain you. That is powerful. Thank you for sharing. And I hope you find a reprieve soon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is so full of truth! I also love how God finds ways to speak with us each day through music.
    There will be rough days, but we can get back up and press forward.

    ReplyDelete

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