"I Wish I Wasn't an Addict"

I often hear by those that struggle with sexual addiction "I wish I wasn't an addict."  I used to feel this way myself  When I was in the pits of despair I wanted so desperately to be free of the chains of addiction and the only path I saw to freedom was God simply taking it from me.

As strange as it may sound, I no longer wish to be free of my addiction, but am now grateful for my addiction, for its negative force is what keeps me facing my Savior

I want to take a moment and just list some of the reasons I am grateful for my addiction by way of listing the many beautiful and marvelous things I would have missed out on if I weren't an addict, or if the Lord had simply taken it from me.

Now, I can't really use the statement "If I wasn't an addict" because I really don't know what I would be if we weren't an addict.  So I'm going to switch the wording up a bit...

BECAUSE I am an addict...
  1. I found my Savior.
  2. I now know Him, Feel Him, trust Him and truly love Him.
  3. I have experienced the exquisite light of grace on the other side of falling into the depths of despair.
  4. I have wonderful working relationships with not only my current Bishop and Stake President, but many of my former Bishop's and Stake President's.
  5. I now know that I am of value; an innately worthy warrior princess in my Father's kingdom.
  6. I have forgiven myself.
  7. I love myself.
  8. I have made some of the most beautiful and cherished friendships of my entire life.  Friendships that I hope will continue into the eternities.
  9. I have been granted some of the most amazing opportunities to help my Savior gather and feed His sheep.   
  10. I have a sure testimony of my Savior and His Atonement; that we each can be free to experience the most exquisite joy and everlasting life.
  11. I am no longer a fence sitter!  
  12. I have found the wonderful LDS Addiction Recovery Program and have adopted it's principles into my daily life.  I no longer read or study the steps... I live the steps, which means I no longer read or study the Atonement, I live the Atonement.
  13. I am a better mom.
  14. I am fearless.
  15. I love.  Wholeheartedly and unabashedly.
I have found that finding gratitude for my addiction has been the lifeblood that keeps me afloat when an entire ocean of life threatens to swallow me whole.


  1. Amazing. I had a similar "awakening" for lack of a better term, about my addictions to. When I pray for God to take it away He has simply told me no. When I finally asked Him why He said "because I'm going to use you."
    Ok Lord you got this! Now I am grateful for my addictions too and can't wait to see what He has in store for me.

    1. That's awesome! "Awakening" works! haha. He's good that way isn't He? Not giving us what we want but somehow helping us feel OK with it? He's so good to us.

  2. I have been thinking about this alot lately. Although it is 'the pits' I have come to know myself and God and how to connect with others like I never have before. Oh addictions.....I still have a long wayto go....

    1. Progress my friend. That's awesome! And we ALL have a long way to go. So happy to have so many of you awesome people on the journey with me:-)

  3. I feel the same way! I feel like this addiction is the only thing that could break through my stubborn stone heart. I'm thankful God has allowed it to be in my life so long.

  4. A few years ago at a seminar a woman asked a question "if this was your only path to God - would you take it?" I've repeated that question many times in my life, but especially recently, and now have a very solid YES I would. This has brought me to my knees and the depths of humility so many times, I would choose this path. I love what this path gives me :)

    1. Oh I love that question! Good one:-) I agree. DEFINITELY would take it:-)


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