I haven't been to church in almost 6 months. Literally. The last time was in early January and it's now almost the beginning of June.
A lot of things have happened lately that have affected my activity; deep painful experiences at the hands of Priesthood leaders (both overtly and passively), mistreatment by another arm of the church (which seems just too exhausting to get into here) and a really odd experience with an Area President that entered our home with seemingly no other concern for our welfare other than practically calling down all powers of heaven to command my son to go on a mission. I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but it really was one of the most awkward situations I've ever experienced. They left about 30 minutes after arriving and we haven't heard from them since. Like I said, odd.
Anyway, even after all that, I still miss church. Actually, that's not quite right. I don't actually miss church; the dressing up, the finding a seat, the hello's and how are you's, the cramming into classrooms... ya, I don't miss any of that.
What I miss is the worship. I miss the Gospel. I miss the communion and the intimate spiritual connection.
I miss the singing, especially as a collective; feeling the angels in attendance and hearing their voices, too.
I miss listening to the talks and gleaning from the experiences of others.
I miss God.
I don't miss 'the church', but I definitely miss God.
I hear what you are saying...I go to worship...if I can't handle emotionally or physically (been sick alot lately) I only go to sacrament. Hang on to your faith in the Father and the Savior. Pray for guidance and never forget you are loved so much!!ReplyDelete
I'm so sorry you've had those experiences. It's not okay. When people at church are hurtful or out of line I try to remind myself that a) I'm not coming for them, I'm coming for me and the Lord, b) There are also lots of good people there, and c) Maybe they have hurts/fears that I don't know about that lead them to act in this way. C) is the hardest for me, but I try because it helps if I think that there's a reason for it beyond them being mean/unkind to me. Hugs.ReplyDelete
Never felt more worthy, more accepting and more loving of myself than when I stepped away from my beliefs as a Mormon. Yes, it was a painful road, but when the day came that I realized “the church isn’t just not for me, but it’s not even true,” it was literally like all the personal mental and spiritual pain I’d put on myself was gone and only peace and love that were there all along existed.ReplyDelete