Journal: Taking a Step Back
I met with my sweet Bishop today. It felt good to just sit and spill and soak in the love of my Savior. It'd been a while since I've had to face confession and I'd sort of forgotten how to do it. I prayed for guidance as to what to say and for the Spirit to sink into my soul. My Father in Heaven answered my prayer and the meeting was full of Grace and hope.
I brought my Temple recommend with me in anticipation of handing it over but my Bishop did not require it. He simply asked me to not take the Sacrament for a week. I feel good about the steps of repentance laid out for me.
I am facing forward. I am not anticipating more slips. I am anticipating triumphs.
It has been made apparent to me that I need to cut back on some things in my life. Not any one thing that I do/carry is too heavy, but all together it is too much for me to manage. I'm mourning cutting back and have thought, pondered and prayed about what to cut back on. The impression came that I need to cut back on sponsoring. I currently have quite a few active sponsee's and more and more keep coming as sisters continue to reach out to me through my blog. Most of these sisters are in isolated areas of the world and don't have access to the wonderful women's PASG groups that some of us do. My heart aches for their isolation and I've done everything I can to lift and sustain them on my own. I just can't do it anymore.
Some of these sisters also continue to struggle because they refuse to work the steps diligently. I cannot testify enough that it is ONLY by the Grace of the Savior that healing comes. Each of us must give our lives over to Him completely. He has laid out a simple step by step plan for us to do this by way of the LDS Addiction Recovery Program. Admittedly, I lost sight of this myself, and that caused me to fall. So I myself will again be working the steps each day. I will post the assignment as a blog post, and then respond with my own thoughts in the comments of the post. I will create a section on the right side of my blog for each assignment so those who want to work the steps, at any time, at any pace, can do so. Anyone can read the comments of others who have worked the assignment and also add their own comments.
I will also be strongly recommending sisters join the boards at thelighthousecoalition.blogspot.com and seek support there. There are many wonderful women, whom I love dearly (including myself) that post there.
This is my way of stopping sponsoring so many but creating a plan for sisters to still find direction in working the steps and seeking support from other women who are on the same path.
Please don't take this as a shun. I'm not shunning you. I love all of you, each one.... and I still want you to text me/email me, as questions etc... I just can't support the day to day sponsor stuff. As for my current sponsee's that are actively working the steps with me... we shall continue... I will not leave you hanging, and I look forward to still being a support to you along your journey.
I love you guys so much. I can't even express the level of gratitude I feel for each of you, that have touched me, continue to touch me and will touch me. I am so blessed to have you in my life. I appreciate your understanding as I strive to get a more secure grip on my own recovery and get my feet stable again beneath me. This, I must do! For Him! So I can go home and dwell with Him!