Losing the 'Struggle'
I am learning so much from SA. I look forward to my little meeting each week where we gather in a small room in a dusty old church and submerge ourselves into what might be considered socially unacceptable levels of accountability and vulnerability. Socially unacceptable only because of the level of discomfort such openness can initially cause, but we have learned that it is necessary to get better.
So we do it.
Last week was amazing. We had a guest speaker; a man with a harrowing story but more importantly, an amazing journey of recovery.
I learned from him.
He spoke of 'struggling.'
He said, "What is this thing, 'struggling'?"
I was a bit surprised because 'struggling' has been a big part of my recovery vocabulary since the beginning.
- "I struggle with pornography"
- "I struggle with sexual addiction"
- "I struggle with masturbation"
- "My husband struggles with... x,y and z"
It is ingrained in me.
But the words this man spoke tickled my consciousness, like I was about to learn something huge.
And I did.
Think about it..
verb (used without object), strug·gled, strug·gling.
to contend with an adversary or opposing force.
to advance with violent effort: to struggle through the snow.
To 'struggle' means we are grappling with our addiction; still attempting to exert some level of control or power over it.
Step 1 of the Twelve Steps reads:
We admitted that we were powerless over lust--that our lives had become unmanageable.
To surrender our will to the Lord means to give up the struggle; to raise our hands high in the air and admit that we cannot contend with our adversary and that we need the help of our ever powerful Savior.
Only then do we begin to heal.