Monday, December 3, 2012

Pocket Sponsor: Chapter 2

If you didn't have the chance to read my first Pocket Sponsor post you can find it here.  I've decided to make Pocket Sponsor a series of posts that I'll publish every few months.  I love looking back on the words of wisdom and encouragement the Spirit offers to others through me and I feel lifted all over again myself.  I still struggle and need my own words of encouragement - so these series of posts are for me and you - to help me remember where I came from and better appreciate how far I've come and for you, in whatever capacity they can help.
  • Love you.  Be safe tonight.  G'night
  • Remember anything negative is Satan poking at you... 
  • Don't take this the wrong way but we all start off nuts;-).  I was just as nuts as you.
  • When I first started working the steps I felt like I was being asked to trust nothing... Because what I was being asked to trust didn't exist for me for so long.  It took massive amounts of faith.  That's why it says in the step "we kept giving our trust and taking it back."
  • I know it's confusing.  Codependency is much more difficult to untangle than addiction.  But it will come.  Your Savior is sitting next to you willing to help you untie the knot.  Just be patient.  It will happen:-)
  • 'What if' worlds are exhausting.  It's just as draining as a 'should' world.  It's based on expectation and not reality.  "You should do this and that..." Expecting perfection or expecting more, always more.  It leaves you feeling less than and not good enough.  'What if' is living in a fearful state; scared of what's to come.  Living there doesn't allow you to be who you are; too scared to come out.  Expecting rejection.  Leaves you feeling less than and not good enough.
  • Being moody is allowed.
  • Keep in mind you are in new territory now.  You've hit 2 weeks a hundred times right?  But you are moving into a period of sobriety you haven't hit yet.  Imagine this temptation as a turbulent storm.  What would you do in the storm to survive it?
  • Your Savior has brought you 4 weeks, don't give up the good fight now! Stay grateful. You fight.  Hard!
  • Just get to bed safe.  You need to get to sleep safe.  Pray for angels to watch over you.  Heck I used to pray for my very own cherubim with a flaming sword.  I figured if they were powerful enough to guard the Garden of Eden that I could use one guarding me during my recovery.  Ha.
  • There is a fine line between charity and codependency.  I think charity lies on the side of helping others in the name of Christ vs helping them because you desire their love/acceptance/approval.
  • The adversary is working on you to get you comparing yourself to others.  Remember we have a tendency to compare our weaknesses to others strengths.  We compare our backstage to others frontstage.  It is not fair to anyone involved.
  • It doesn't matter where you are on the path.  All that matters is the direction you are facing.
  • Temple worthiness lies with your Bishop.  He will follow the promptings of the Spirit.  And it's good if you don't feel worthy, that shows Godly sorrow.  A slip is just that... you mess up and you desire to get back on track. A relapse is when you say heck with recovery and completely return to your addiction.
  • You are deciding for God what your consequences should be, is that not prideful?
  • When I disclose to my Bishop I tell him exactly what I did.  Raw honestly. (If you can't say it and be honest, write it first and either read it to him or hand it to him and have him read it.)
  • You can do this.  This is hard I know but Heavenly Father has huge blessings in store for you on the other side of this.  Stay snug against your Savior.
  • It comes down to what you want your result to be.  What do you want?
  • If you don't give up the triggers that lead you to acting out it tells me that you want your addiction.  You can't want recovery and your addiction at the same time and make it work.  You gotta forsake it all.
  • Is waiting an extended period of time to give something up giving you permission to watch/read it until then?
  • You gotta take the reigns on this.  You aren't a victim.  You are a warrior.  Get ticked at the adversary and your addiction and use your agency.
  • I think you set your expectations too high.  If we all experienced humility consistently we wouldn't be where we are.  I still struggle with that.  When you DO feel humility how do you feel it?  Humility takes work.  What do you do to work for it?
  • You won't find progression while hovering behind fear.
  • Focus.  You are having a crazy moment.  I get them too sometimes.  I feel like I offend and bug people and a leach that sucks energy and I weigh people down.  Sound right?  It's NOT REAL. It's the adversary poking at you.  Just ride the wave.  It goes away.
  • It's just the stupid adversary.  He's getting you all wrapped up in distracting confusion.
  • You gotta let all that shame go. You are choosing to hold on to it.  You are sitting in a jail cell bound by bars, but YOU are holding the keys.  You have the agency to let it go.  You worked your 4 and 5.  There is no reason to hold on to it.  Why are you?
  •  You need movement within yourself.  Your actions are on the right track but you are still sitting in the sticky mud of the past.  You are walking backward on the path back to Heaven.  You are taking steps toward God in your actions but emotionally your eyes are still staring at the past. (see Remember Lot's Wife)
  • Is it not prideful after all you have been given to basically say "I don't believe you.  I don't believe you when you say I am forgivable; when you say I am forgiven.  I don't believe you so I'm going to enact my own punishment and choose to not forgive myself, even after you have died for me, washed me, and carried me."

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Ezekiel 34:11-12,16

"For thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I, even I, will both search my sheep, and seek them out. As a shepherd seeketh out his flock in the day that he is among his sheep that are scattered; so will I seek out my sheep, and will deliver them out of all places where they have been scattered in the cloudy and dark day. I will seek that which was lost, and bring again that which was driven away, and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick"