Hi! Thank you so much for being here!
First, before you read any further, I invite you to listen to this song:
Weightless, by Christa Wells - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqsE4M8jjqw
Do you love it? I sure do. It has been such a beacon of hope for me in some of my darkest moments.
If you are here and struggling with any form of sexual addiction, you might wonder why you can't stop.
I discovered that the reason I acted out is because of my own feelings of worthlessness. I felt that the only way to feel love was to act out sexually, whether alone or with other people. It was very damaging because I began to equate sex with love. I had to be sexual in order to feel loved. And I felt anyone else who said they loved me was really just lying, because I didn't think anyone could love me if they knew what I was doing. How 'dirty' I was. I felt so hopeless.
On top of that, I would use sex to numb the shame that I would feel after acting out. It's a vicious cycle.
1. Have sex to feel love/numb
2. Feel shame/guilt/regret
3. Promise myself/bishop/God I'll never do it again (and actually mean it)
4. Craving kicks in/something triggers the desire to act out/shame gets too painful
5. Have sex to numb/feel love
Does that make sense? Can you see yourself in that cycle?
Check out this video - it might help explain it.
In what ways can you relate to the bird in the video?
So every person who struggles with addiction, no matter what they are addicted to (sex, drugs, food, gambling, alcohol) is bound to this cycle. The point is... YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! AND, there is HOPE!
That, of course, is the best part:-)
In order to get better, we have to be working a program. We have to belong to a tribe of those working recovery. We have to have a safe place, full of safe people, to talk about what's going on. We have to have a place to shed shame and share the darkest parts of ourselves in order to feel the healing balm of empathy and compassion.
Please check out the following site which contains information for the women's sexual addiction 12-Step support group I attend.
12-Step in-person meetings for LDS women who struggle with unwanted sexual behavior.