Picture and post contributed by Sarah
"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”
"I’ve been thinking a lot recently about faith and fear. One of my biggest fears is heights. A fear that I've had to face and overcome quickly during the fire academy. A few months ago we learned how to bail out a window using just a single rope. To do this, you have to wrap the rope around you and get one leg up and over the window sill. Next you lean forward and start falling head first out the window until you can clear your other leg and turn yourself upright again. Needless to say, it was terrifying. In learning and practicing these things, I came to trust my equipment, my fellow firefighters, and myself.
This trust didn’t take away my fear, but it gave me the strength to push through it anyway.
Faith and trust in God doesn’t equate to the complete absence of fear. I think one of the most profound ways to show Heavenly Father my faith is by following Him in spite of my fears. It’s by coming to that window sill and telling Him; 'I don’t know how this is going to turn out, but I trust that you’re going to protect me as I do your will.'
By far, the hardest decision I’ve ever made is which path I wanted to be on with regards to my faith. I don’t profess to have the right answers for anyone else’s path, but in my life the times I have found true happiness were when I could kneel down at night and honestly tell my Heavenly Father that I had done my best to do what He wanted me to do that day.
At times I have found myself paralyzed by thoughts of what the future holds and if it’s actually feasible to continue in my faith in light of my feelings of homosexuality. But I’ve found my faith grow deeper in those times of trusting God enough to move forward anyway despite not knowing.
That decision hasn’t been without its negatives. I have told Heavenly Father more than once; 'I don’t know what to do with this, but it makes my soul ache.' I made the choice to faithfully live my covenants, but that doesn’t take away my feelings. And it makes my very soul ache to think about what it truly means to not go down that path. I can truly identify with the pain many felt at the change in the church’s policy on homosexuality.
And in those times I really have to step back and say, I don’t know. I don’t know the answers. I don’t know if I’m going to survive jumping out of this window. But I have come to learn that I can trust my rope. I can trust my Heavenly Father. I have found my strength renewed time and time again by living the gospel. It has brought an indescribable peace to my soul that I wouldn’t trade for anything."