Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Sexual Addiction = Spiritual Diabetes

Early in recovery I would crumble at the thought of being stuck with my addiction for my entire life.  Literally, I would groan, roll my eyes and begin an internal whine dialogue with God telling him how much I hated my addiction and wished He'd just take it from me.

Sound familiar?

That was three years ago.  I still have my moments every now and then where I wish I weren't an addict but thankfully they are scarce.  I am content with who I am, a daughter of God recovering from a sexual addiction, because it has been by way of that recovery process that has made me who I am today.  I would never give that back.

I've had a number of women recently ask me if I still actively struggle.  They seem to think (hope) that a person as far along as I am in recovery no longer struggles or triggers and is completely free of addiction.  I feel their spirit's literally sag with disappointment when I tell them that yes, I do still struggle.  I still trigger.  I still have to take every precaution to keep myself safe.  I still have (get) to visit with my Bishop on a regular basis.  I still check in with my sponsor(s) as needed.  I still do all the things I tell my sponsee's to do.

But there is a difference....

My addiction is now manageable.

Think about it.  Our addiction is like spiritual diabetes.  How does a diabetic manage their diabetes?  They work a disciplined regiment to keep their blood sugar and insulin levels in a consistent normal range.  They do dailies.  They check their blood sugar often throughout the day, just like we take our spiritual temperature throughout the day.  They sometimes have to inject themselves with insulin to balance out their sugar and sometimes we have to take extra care to submerge ourselves in things that invite the Spirit to keep us safe.

It is possible to live a completely happy and normal life as a diabetic.  And so it is with sexual addiction.  I am normal (well, I suppose that's debatable), and I am definitely happy.  I live a very fulfilling and great life.

How?

I am under the care of the Great Physician.
He is the One and Only that can help me manage my spiritual diabetes.
I follow His counsel to keep my disease under control.
When my disease flares up, I make an appointment to see Him.
And guess what?
I don't have to wait days or week to see Him.
He's available anytime I need Him, day or night.
He is always kind and never speaks harshly to me even though at times it is my own fault that my flare-up has occurred.
He simply expresses His gratitude to me for calling on Him so He can help me.
And each time I leave His office I feel whole and bright and happy.
He always instills in me the desire to do better.
He loves me.
He is my God, my Savior and my Brother.
Jesus Christ

So yes, I do still very much struggle with my addiction.  But it is manageable.  And with that, I am content.

15 comments:

  1. Such a perfect analogy. I have known many diabetics. I've seen ones that didn't take precaution, didn't do their blood sugar checks and didn't manage their diet and they were a mess. I think of the Co worker I had to call 911 for on numerous occasions because she didn't manage her disease.

    On the other hand I have known those who followed their doctors instructions and managed their diet and I never would have known they were diabetic if I hadn't witnessed them taking precautions.

    Addiction is the same. We know our diagnosis, we know our health plan and we have access to The Physician. We just have to follow Him.

    Beautiful analogy.

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    1. You had a couple of coworkers like that actually:-) Thanks!

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  2. Oh, yes, I remember when my sponsor used this analogy at the beginning of my recovery. I was so upset! Couldn't I just be fixed? I read it as, if I did the program then after Step 12 I'd be fixed and could go back to doing everything I was doing before. Same books, music, fantasy world, etc. But now that I am managing it! Well, I don't want to be normal! I like being in recovery. God replaced the tempations in my life with better things! And I live a better life than before. Isn't that great!
    Now I LOVE this analogy. :) Sid, you rock!

    Stacey

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  3. Love this and how I can apply it to my own co-dependency addiction. Thank you for this analogy!

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    1. It's true! I can apply it to my co-dependency too!:-)

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  4. yes, but, isn't diabetes actually REVERSIBLE with a total lifestyle change? Some kinds, perhaps? I still really want to believe that about my addiction. It's so hard to let go of that ideal.

    I love the comparison to diabetes though, because diabetes is preventable, as is addiction. But, we don't refuse to treat a diabetic because "they did this to themselves." No, we make sure they are healthy. So even though addiction may be born of poor choices (not always is that the case, I know), I don't get to use that as an excuse to not utilize every tool and treatment available.

    Oh dang. That reminds me. I forgot to make an appt w/ my stake pres! ahhh!

    Lol anyway, this is a super analogy and I hope it sticks with me.

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  5. Diabetes not reversible in this life. I don't believe addiction is either. Its both managed daily by certain things that HAVE to be done. Some people with diabetes made poor choices that lead them to have this illness just like some people seek out addictive things not intending on becoming addicted but that is the end result. There is another type of diabetes (type 1) that there is no known reason to what causes it. It just happens and usually starts in childhood. I know for me as well as other women in my group, our addictions started as children without us even realizing what was going on and we didn't realize its seriousness until later in life. In both cases, just like Sidreis said, as long as both do what needs to be done, we can all live a happy normal life.

    -Matrix

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  6. Great analogy!! I am going to remember this. DO my dailies or DIE! Ok, maybe extreme, but I don't think so. I need a positive and faithful mindset daily...and do the little things.

    Thanks for this post!!

    Addiction stinks but it will keep me on my toes the rest of my life...I'm kinda grateful. (otherwise i'd get really spiritually lazy and out of shape)

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    1. Hahaha you're funny... well there is a sort of death.. Spiritual death, so it still fits:-) I love that you are now finding gratitude for your addiction:-)

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Thank you for sharing a moment with me:-)

Ezekiel 34:11-12,16

"For thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I, even I, will both search my sheep, and seek them out. As a shepherd seeketh out his flock in the day that he is among his sheep that are scattered; so will I seek out my sheep, and will deliver them out of all places where they have been scattered in the cloudy and dark day. I will seek that which was lost, and bring again that which was driven away, and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick"