I Just Can't Tell Him I Failed

I received a message from a 17 your old girl who is struggling with some fear.  I thought it would be good to post her dilemma here and ask for your guys thoughts on her problem.  I post this with her permission of course!
I talked to my Bishop in September (about my problem) and I was doing great but I just fell back into my old ways and I just don't feel like I can go to him and tell him that I have failed.  I pray everyday for the courage to be able to go talk to him but whenever I get the chance I just chicken out and don't do it.
We have all been scared to see our sweet Bishops and confess our struggles.  What did you do to overcome that fear?  What words of wisdom can you offer this sweet sister?


  1. I would make a plan of action remembering that your bishops job is to help you become clean again, even if it takes 100 falls (or fails as you say). You are of infinite worth. Who would leave a diamond that got dropped in a mud puddle? We would search it out and wash it off. We are all diamonds that have been dropped into mud puddles; we all need help to become clean and sparkly again and to be able to reflect the Saviour's love to others. Your Heavenly Father who loves you more than you could ever know or realize has put a bishop in place to represent your Saviour's love for you and that is to help you through the repentance process and to help you access the Atonement which is the enabling power to bring you back to Heavenly Father's presence. If you have fallen again, it is only a sign that you can use more help and assistance. Shame comes from the adversary to try to prevent you from accessing the Saviour's love. So make your plan. Here is a sample plan: 1. Make an appointment that you can keep. 2. Make a plan of your words or write them so you can get them out when you are afraid such as "I need help. I fell again. I am afraid of disappointing you. I love my Heavenly Father." 3. Turn to your Heavenly Father in prayer not just for the courage, but to be able to feel his love and strength. 4. Begin to serve others. This will give you added strength and courage. As you feel the love for others, you will begin to understand in a very small way how Heavenly Father loves you and what that means to your eternal spirit.

  2. Our fears are rooted in being judged. A good bishop will not judge, only love and help w/ the healing. Remember, the Atonement has already happened, we only need remember that He loves us and has already forgiven us, just is waiting for us to use our agency to return to Him. Trips, slip ups and all.

    Also, since our Father is our judge, and has reserved that judgement until much later (hopefully), we should remember that we get plenty of 'do-overs' until we get it right. You haven't failed, just haven't made the changes into a habit yet. After 17 years of being sober, I don't think of drinking much at all. But it has taken a long time to get to that point.

    Good friends who will lovingly keep on you to help support you is key. The love is what we need, not the imagined disappointed looks. Just love.

  3. Just walked out of the Bishop's office. It always feels a lot better walking out than walking in! Remember that honesty is never a failure. Remember that the bishop rejoices when people have a desire to repent, even if they are struggling! How about another way of communicating, such as a letter, text, or anonymous blog? Good luck!!!!

  4. I recently went through a period of serious relapse. Coming out of it was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but also one of the most powerful. I have had so many tender mercies revealed to me the past few weeks but one of the most powerful was this. Fear and shame are NEVER from my Heavenly Father. They are always the tools of the devil. So any feelings I have that cause me to experience these emotions are from Satan. Always.

    We ARE Children of God. He always loves us. He has always loved us and he always will love us. Our Bishops are his advocates on the earth, to help us feel that love.

    You can do it! It will be worth it.

  5. All I really have to say is you are not alone. I needed this post as much as you did today. I am currently living in fear too. Sometimes it feels we are too far from our Savior's grasp but this is another lie Satan tells. Thank you to whoever you are because this post helped me a ton today too.

  6. I have no answers, but my heart goes out to her.

  7. I echo what everyone else says....go visit. Just do it. And maybe what Dan said, write a letter or get his cell and text (check and make sure he is okay with that....I check in with mine very frequently during the week).

    Tell him honestly how you feel. I've told my bishop before straight up that I feel too beaten and a failure to see him. My bishop has alot of compassion. He would much rather see me coming in and saying I'm struggling/relapsing and feeling the remorse than not going in.

    It's hard at first. Those first confessions. But after doing it more, you will gain a greater desire to connect with him. I truly believe it is a special calling and they're given special abilities to deal with all the stuffs of the members. (And we ALL have a lot!)

  8. You guys are great! Love the comments. I want to mirror what everyone said and just remind you that you ARE a beautiful daughter of God. The Lord loves you and is mindful of you. I know it's scary to see the Bishop.. but like already mentioned, you might consider writing him a letter. I've done that twice now... wrote letters and read them. I was too scared I'd gloss over the truth and lie.. I started off telling him that that is WHY I wrote the letter so he would be on the same page as me. Like Warrior said... it's good to be honest not just about what you want to tell him, but be honest about the fears surrounding telling him too. The Lord delights in truth.. truth, even about hard things, invites the Spirit. Chin up my friend. YOU are worth this fight!

  9. Thank you all soo much for your comments!!!! They have helped me. I am meeting with my Bishop on Sunday and I am a nervous wreck but I know I can do it!!! (I'm the girl this post is about)

  10. If you are struggling to tell him what is wrong, just ask for a blessing. I promise you that that will invite the Spirit and give you the strength to do what needs to be done.

    1. YES! A blessing. Duh! Of course! Thank you for pointing that out!

  11. it is important to recognize it is ONLY SATAN who is telling you not to go to the bishop and repent (no matter the reasoning).

    the key in this life to not having extreme highs and lows = continuous, quick repentance.
    do it as quickly as you can

    you will get to a point where your sins become less extreme and less frequent this way (we call this recovery right?!)
    and soon you will not have to go to the bishop at all (because your sins are not of that same intensity) and you now can repent of the 'minor' mistakes you make daily in your DAILY prayers.
    note: this should be done daily!
    repentance is continuous.
    it is an awesome opportunity to feel good and clean and worthy and pure again.

    seeking the atonement and forgiveness (YES! once again!) is the true way to happiness and recovery.
    it is not easy, but honestly, your bishop will be proud of your courage and determination to commit yourself to the Lord over and over again.

    my two cents anyway.
    happy healing.
    you will feel better.
    go and go quickly!
    much love


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